Weekend Update

Well the First Confession went well. I did not confess. I had a few minutes of Catholic guilt as I saw a ton of parents lining up after the kids. But Macie was second in line and after I saw my adorable little girl come out with a smile on her face, kneel and say her penance (one Our Father - she got off easy for all of those sins) my urge to get the hell out of there was much stronger than my need to confess. We were the first ones to leave.

We bought Keller a new ski coat on Saturday (success).It was only $50. And then we skied yesterday while Macie was in ski school. It was fun to hang out but S-L-O-W going. The thing with Keller is that she likes to be in control (think the car radio, the newspaper or the TV remote). In skiing this quality is not a bad thing. She did really well and only fell five times (she says two times but I helped her up at least three) After a few runs on the bunny hill we moved to a regular green run. My goal was to get her to the top of the mountain so we could have lunch up there. She was doing fantastic until a snow cat came up the hill. It freaked her out. Even though I was behind her I could tell that she was thinking that her choices were to turn toward it and get run over (it had to be 50 yds away) or to turn towards the trees. She chose the trees. After the stress of a near death experience she decided to remain in control the rest of the day so she could prefect her skill. I think she did it! So next year it will up to the top at lunch (the horrible music blaring from the bar's speakers at the base of the mountain and the dog begging us for food was enough to ruin our lunch and I think convince her that the ambiance on top of the mountain might be better). We skied a run with Macie at the end of the day so they could show off for each other. I think they both looked pretty good!

Sick dude.

Karl's uncle is here from Washington state, and today he came over for breakfast today and seriously he belched the entire time. Not like one long three-hour belch, but a series of small, medium, and large belches.

It was completely vile.

Book by the Bennie

Here's a link to that book on Amazon. The author is Katie Dugan... wasn' t she a real goodie-goodie? I better get out my dog book so I can look her up.

As the week draws to a close...

I'd just like to reflect on the highlights. Those include:

• Overhearing two coworkers talking about me
• Forgetting my boots one day and having numb feet during my walk from the bus to the house
• Wearing the same holey shirt two days in a row
• Dinner with the in-laws
• Missing the bus

Okay seriously there were some good things. Such as:

• Pottery class
• Knitting potluck with crackling fire and crock-pot brownies
• An unexpected Starbucks visit due to missing the bus (I had to wait somewhere for the next bus!)
• Using an awesome Groupon to get some fancy Pancetta for a pressure cooker recipe I'm hoping to try this weekend
• Go-Go dancing
• Having 20 'tweens show up for after-school knitting at the library
• Making an appointment to have our taxes done for the first time ever (I've always done them on paper... I'm dreading what the guy is going to say when he sees the copy of last year's taxes)

Look at that... more goods than bads. I'll take it.

I hope you all had more goods than bads this week too! xo

Confession

I have nothing to confess.

My kid does.

Lots.

She has her first confession tomorrow at 10 am. (they call it reconciliation now).

I have no idea what she will say. I remember making shit up for mine.We have been thinking long and hard but still don't have much. I mean she can't even say I fight with my sisters - I am sure I threw that in. I wish I could record it.

We went to a practice session on Wednesday night where they informed us that after the children confess, parents and sibling will then go in...

UM, NO.

I know I am being highly hypocritical but I did not sign up for this. This train has been driven entirely by Macie. She is the one that wanted to make her First Communion and I am the one that has given her an out EVERY single week. And now they are telling me that I have to confess too? The four weekend workshops were more than enough.

This is what my confession session would look like-

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 27 YEARS since my FIRST and LAST confession. I confess that I am having a VERY hard time with all of this. I strongly believe in Gay marriage, I believe in a women's right to have an abortion and I do not equate it with the Holocaust. I believe women should be priests and I believe that YOU should be able to have sex.

At which point I would have to pull out a piece of paper and read the Act of Contrition from it because unlike Macie, I do not know it by heart.

Keller is flying in in the morning. Maybe I could pick her up and then drive her over so we could confess together - Strength in numbers.

Barb Update

So... Karl's mom (Barb) called the other day because we had plans to go out for dinner tomorrow to celebrate my birthday, and she wanted to know where I'd like to go. I gave her three options. Two Thai, one American. I figured she'd pick the American place, but no. She chose an Italian restaurant I hadn't even mentioned. So annoying.

Here's the kicker, though: Karl's uncle, Ken, is here for the week from Washington state. After this, he's flying straight to Italy to supervise a study-abroad trip for spring semester. His only request for our dinner out tomorrow was that it not be Italian, since he'll be eating Italian for four months.

What is wrong with her???

Rodeo acts

I went to the rodeo last week with my mom and Macie. After years of taking Macie she seems to feel totally neglected if I even consider skipping a year. Tradition is VERY important to her. I mean I love the rodeo but it's the same shit different year.

The sheer amount of patriotism and GOP-ness that they are able to weave into the production is pretty astounding and quite amazing. I feel that my love of country is as strong as the next guys but there is something about the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo. They seems to think it is their duty to pound it in to you. In fact, I would not be surprised if next year you were criticized for not wearing an American Flag pin on your lapel (or the pocket flap of your Western shirt - whatever the case maybe).

Everything is constant at the rodeo- the announcer is the same, the rodeo clown is the same, the cowboys are the same, the side shows between events are the same. Nothing changes - Except one BIG show. Last year it was a monkey in chaps riding on a dog and herding sheep - freaking amazing. Another year it was The One Armed Bandit - a guy with one arm who stood on top of his horse and managed to get 4 long horn cattle to climb on top of a horse trailer by whipping his whip in the air VERY loudly.

again - A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

This year the cheesy ass announcer gets on the microphone and says "Ladies and Gentleman, if you see one thing at this rodeo that you will talk about for days it will be THIS next act"

So these two guys lug this big box out into the arena, drop it and leave (already I am thinking that this act is low tech. I mean in past rodeos if there was an opportunity to use a Ford F150 they would take it... and then proceed to tell us all about the HEMI engine and the fact that the seats of the truck were hand stitched leather).

The lights go down, the spotlight shines on the box, dry ice covers everything and nothing happens. After a few minutes a dog comes out and stands on the box. A few more minutes go by and a cowboy comes sauntering out on a horse. (I was imagining him back there taking a few last swigs of Jim Beam). He starts fiddling with his microphone which he can't seem to turn on correctly and then he starts telling everyone how many movies he and his horse have been in. (who cares). Then he tells us that his horse is his companion and his dog is his best friend. At which point the dog takes a running leap and jumps up onto the saddle. He cracks a few jokes does a few more minor tricks and I am thinking this is the weirdest damn thing. Finally the announcer comes on and asks the audience which we think is faster his dog or his horse. They start racing around the arena. They take two or three laps and the dog is all over the place, on the inside, on the outside, cutting across half of it. And then.... the horse runs over the dog.

There was a collective gasp.

I mean not the horse does not JUST run over it - the damn dog was stuck underneath it just getting pummeled by 4 horse hoofs and a 2000 lb horse. Finally he managed to get out from underneath. He rolled onto the ground totally stunned - not sure if he was up or down. The cowboy had no idea what to do so he started whistling at his dog, telling him to get up. The dog finally got up, kind of walked around and then started to try and race the horse again. The three of them slowly raced back to the chutes with the cowboy whistling to the dog and out they went. Lights came on and the bull riding started.

Yep, the announcer was right. I am still talking about that act

(and wondering how the damn dog is doing)

Is it wrong....

that I'm using my Obamarator as a stand in for the missing King in my Nativity set that I got for Christmas? He's about the same size as the other two Kings, and since the nativity set characters look super phallic, it seems to fit. That said, it just seems a little weird and/or sacrilegious.

Brrrrring!

Last night, Karl worked overnight. He left around 9:30, and I went to bed. I didn't realize he had left his phone on the nightstand. Around 10:30, it started ringing and woke me up. I answered it. It was his mom.

"Is there some type of emergency?" I asked, knowing full well that there wasn't. She just likes being annoying.

"No," she answered, "I was just calling because I thought Karl might be driving to work and I wanted to help keep him awake."

WHAT THE BLEEP.

Hat-o-rama

This is the hat my sister-in-law asked me to make:


Unfortunately, it is crocheted, and I don't know how to crochet. Also, it was for sale online for $16 which was a little insulting. So I made this one instead:



I was also going to make matching sweaters for their son and the new baby, but that's out the window. And I do not feel bad about it.

Let's get it together, people.

So Karl is applying for this nursing program that is one year long. In one year, he would get his RN and his Bachelor's in nursing... perfect. If he doesn't get in, he has to go through the technical college and then take a bunch of online courses, which will take at least six years to get to the RN. I really really want him to finish so he can stop going to school and start making money. And babies.

So the application is due on Friday. I called him on Tuesday from San Diego, where I was for a conference. He said, "Well, I'm going to email a couple of professors today to see if I can get some letters of recommendation." Um, the application is due on Friday. What is wrong with this picture? I can only nag so much, people. Fortunately, I knew (because I am extra nosy) that the application only asks for reference contact information, not letters of recommendation... otherwise I would have flipped.

Seriously. It's like he wants to stay in school forever.

Re Gift

Here is a tip. Every Christmas I get an empty box and I fill it will all of the gifts that I do not want and know Macie will never use. (sometimes I do not even ask her - Ijust sneek them in there). Then I put it away and add to it at her birthday. The next Christmas I have a big box of new stuff to donate to Toys for Tots. I even donate stuff like Bath and Body Works junk . I figure some teeenager somewhere might like it.

Blogger Tips

Hi Lip Chippers,
Here are a few tips for new bloggers. It can be a little tricky, but you'll get the hang of it in no time!

1. Sign in. From the blog, click on "Sign In" in the upper right-hand corner. You can't do anything but read and leave comments unless you are signed in.

2. From there, click on "New Post" in the upper right hand corner, even if you don't actually want to write a new post. This will take you to a screen where you can write new posts, edit existing posts, manage comments, change the design, etc. Keller, this is where your deleted post is hiding.

3. I didn't realize I was the only administrator, so I made everyone one. That means you'll be notified anytime someone leaves a comment. You won't be notified every time someone posts, though. You've got to either visit the blog or use a blog reader for that. I use Google reader to follow a bunch of blogs, and I really like it. You just have to click on one thing and you can see all of the updates to all of the blogs you read.

4. I love you.

xo ac

Strategies

One strategy I've been using lately in certain situations is to keep in mind that many of the people I'm interacting with are mentally ill. Whether it's true or not, it helps me be more patient and take them less seriously.

Keller, your original post still exists. Blogger saves posts as you write them. If you click on "Edit posts," you'll see it listed as a draft. You can finish it and post it! I LOVE the descriptions of the gifts. What's up with the Caress soap box??? Definite mental illness right there.

My life sucks right now

I just wrote this long ass description of the ultra-shitty Giftmas gifts I received, but then I accidentally hit the red button so I lost my entire post. This is now the story of my life. I am no longer even able to bitch about the injustices, which is the ultimate injustice, the ultimate shittiness. If someone could give me a good reason why I should have any faith in people in anymore, I'd like to hear it.

I'm here...

I'm here...just slightly depressed and so have not been posting much (or at all, as it turns out). Typical for this time of year for me, I've been bombarded with holiday shit I don't want, have spent too much money, and have nothing but crap to show for it in return. While I took up the hobby actually shredding some various holiday cards this year (not any of yours, don't worry), it brought only temporary joy. Why so grim, you ask? Well, lets just say I spent close to $500 on Giftmas for others and here is what I got in a return:

1. A phallic-looking nativity set that is missing one of the three kings (when I asked where the third was, it was met with surprise that I would notice such a detail...turns out the 2 king set was cheaper). By the way, how do I post pictures to this thing? Everyone should see a king.

2. Black and White checkered fleece pants.

3. Dish rags.

4. Perhaps my favorite, wrapped in a Caress soap box: a mini pack of peanuts, a partially used tube of toothpaste and a one dollar Sacajawea coin.

So, can you understand now why I had a momentary spurt of "my life sucks" time? The good news is that today was much sweeter, and I'm actually in a good mood with a positive outlook on life. Yes, for the most part, I am loving life right now. Cheers, my friends, cheers.

You guys.

The Jim Henson traveling exhibit is in Chicago, and I get to go! Yay!

Also, what is up with GW2011? If Greece isn't a go, let's plan a weekend somewhere. I'm going to Greece for a week in March, if anyone wants to come along!

Does Keller even know that this blog exists?

dreams

so last night i had this dream. i was with all of you somewhere and we were leaving where ever we were and i noticed lindsay had left her sweatshirt, purse and another bag and something else behind. so i grabbed it. we got somewhere and i was like, linds- you left all your shit back there, but i grabbed it and then i set it down. she was all into taking pictures (was this a dream or real life?) so just left her shit piled where i dropped it and these 2 punks ran up and stole her purse. she still doesn't notice, so i got pissed and chase them down. full on, tackle them and demand the purse back. of course the purse is this huge open bag w/ tons of shit in it. i notice her wallet is gone. i full on get these guys and demand the wallet. i'm like, you can keep the money, just give the god damn wallet back. they gave it back and got to keep like $15 bucks that was in it. i'm walking back w/ the wallet and notice practically an album of dog pictures in it (again- real life? or dream?) and think- well, the don't want this, thank god i got this back for her. get back to the crew and linds is still wrapped up in the picture taking and doesn't really notice.
just sayin' linds- i saved your ass (or at least your wallet) last nite.
night love you see you .. in dreamland.