Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Rodeo acts

I went to the rodeo last week with my mom and Macie. After years of taking Macie she seems to feel totally neglected if I even consider skipping a year. Tradition is VERY important to her. I mean I love the rodeo but it's the same shit different year.

The sheer amount of patriotism and GOP-ness that they are able to weave into the production is pretty astounding and quite amazing. I feel that my love of country is as strong as the next guys but there is something about the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo. They seems to think it is their duty to pound it in to you. In fact, I would not be surprised if next year you were criticized for not wearing an American Flag pin on your lapel (or the pocket flap of your Western shirt - whatever the case maybe).

Everything is constant at the rodeo- the announcer is the same, the rodeo clown is the same, the cowboys are the same, the side shows between events are the same. Nothing changes - Except one BIG show. Last year it was a monkey in chaps riding on a dog and herding sheep - freaking amazing. Another year it was The One Armed Bandit - a guy with one arm who stood on top of his horse and managed to get 4 long horn cattle to climb on top of a horse trailer by whipping his whip in the air VERY loudly.

again - A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

This year the cheesy ass announcer gets on the microphone and says "Ladies and Gentleman, if you see one thing at this rodeo that you will talk about for days it will be THIS next act"

So these two guys lug this big box out into the arena, drop it and leave (already I am thinking that this act is low tech. I mean in past rodeos if there was an opportunity to use a Ford F150 they would take it... and then proceed to tell us all about the HEMI engine and the fact that the seats of the truck were hand stitched leather).

The lights go down, the spotlight shines on the box, dry ice covers everything and nothing happens. After a few minutes a dog comes out and stands on the box. A few more minutes go by and a cowboy comes sauntering out on a horse. (I was imagining him back there taking a few last swigs of Jim Beam). He starts fiddling with his microphone which he can't seem to turn on correctly and then he starts telling everyone how many movies he and his horse have been in. (who cares). Then he tells us that his horse is his companion and his dog is his best friend. At which point the dog takes a running leap and jumps up onto the saddle. He cracks a few jokes does a few more minor tricks and I am thinking this is the weirdest damn thing. Finally the announcer comes on and asks the audience which we think is faster his dog or his horse. They start racing around the arena. They take two or three laps and the dog is all over the place, on the inside, on the outside, cutting across half of it. And then.... the horse runs over the dog.

There was a collective gasp.

I mean not the horse does not JUST run over it - the damn dog was stuck underneath it just getting pummeled by 4 horse hoofs and a 2000 lb horse. Finally he managed to get out from underneath. He rolled onto the ground totally stunned - not sure if he was up or down. The cowboy had no idea what to do so he started whistling at his dog, telling him to get up. The dog finally got up, kind of walked around and then started to try and race the horse again. The three of them slowly raced back to the chutes with the cowboy whistling to the dog and out they went. Lights came on and the bull riding started.

Yep, the announcer was right. I am still talking about that act

(and wondering how the damn dog is doing)


  1. omg case. so, it was totally fucked up right? i mean, the horse wasn't suppose to run over the dog...

  2. NO, of course not. Just a major mishap and the rodeo goes on.

  3. One year during calf roping a calf was injured and didn't get up after being yanked in two different directions by two different cowboys. A few EMS guys actually came running out with a stretcher and carried the calf out (while all of the cowboys and their horses were down on one knee football style in respect for their injured commrad - (ok not really)). Anyway, they carried the calf out of the arena and then announced a few minutes later that after being checked out by the vets they were happy to report that he was doing just fine ( at which point I thought I heard a gunshot to the little guys head ( ok, not really))

  4. Seriously sad. Guess I'm okay with missing it this year! I hope the dog I okay too..,

  5. ...and the rodeo does indeed go on. I remember when G. W. Bush was re-elected (gross) and I couldn't understand why and then I went to the Western Stock Show and Rodeo and then I realized, holy shit, this is it. Our country. God. Nobody in the arena having good sex. God. Red. White. Blue.