Tuesday, November 29, 2011


So my little chickie flew to Wisconsin right before Thanksgiving. I hate her flying alone. It just kills me. They called her name to board early so she gave me a quick hug and then skipped down the aisle with her piggy tails flying and her two dolls hanging out of her book bag - so stinking cute. As soon as she got to the gate agent she gave the lady her the ticket, grabbed her hand, looked back and waved to me - at which point I said "Call as soon as you get there". She shook her head, blew me a kiss and off she went.

I drove home, waited the nerve wracking 2 hours until I expected a call - had a glass of wine, watched some TV and paced my living room. The landing time came and went, the time I figured it took to get everyone else off the plane before they escorted unaccompanied minors off came and went, the estimated time I thought it would take to get her bag came and went and Dave still was not answering his freakin phone. Finally AN HOUR AND A HALF after her plane landed she answered. She said her flight was awesome and they were almost home - as in Eau Claire... I wanted to kill him.

So I asked to speak to her dad and proceeded to scream at him. I was SOOOO mad. It didn't help that he made it seem as if I was over reacting. I mean is it really too much to ask for him to just call and say "Hey I got our kid"?

She stayed a week and flew back on Tuesday. I checked her flight about a half an hour before I planned to leave the office and noticed it was early so I jumped in my car. Of course now I was fighting rush hour and was running late. The airport garages were all full because of the holiday but I didnt have time to park and take a shuttle in. I went into the garage even though it was closed and luckily I found a spot. Then I had to wait in line at the ticket counter for a pass to get to the gate and finally go through security. I got out there just as her plane got there (Thank goodness). First thing I realized was that I left my phone in the car. I screamed at him for not calling me and now I had no way to call him.

She came skipping off the plane and we found a pay phone. I didn't have many quarters but the phone had a visa slot so I inserted my card and she dialed the number. We were laughing because she had never used a pay phone before and didn't even know what to do. He didn't answer so we left a message, got her bag and drove up to my mom's for Thanksgiving.

Yesterday I was looking at my account balance and I notice a charge on there that I didn't recognize in Palo Alto CA. I called the number and they told me it was for a pay phone call - a 30 second pay phone call. It was $27.44. I told the dude it was a 30 second call and all he would say is
"Ma'am, the rates have gone up recently"
"For 30 seconds!!!!"
"Ma'am, the rates have gone up recently"
"Does it say on the pay phone $27.00 for a 30 second call"
"Ma'am, that depends on where you are calling but the rates have gone up recently"

Never leave your phone in the car.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"That's what they are wearing"

My mom and my aunt always say that. They might have been able to fool me when I was 8but now? Whenever I hear that I always wonder who in the hell THEY are. So my aunt is in town right now (FAAT). We've done a bit of shopping and a lot of chatting and she keeps bringing up a fashion show that she went to recently.

"That is what they said at the fashion show."
"I saw a women wearing that at the fashion show."
"The women at the fashion show said you should have two of these this winter."

Finally last night I said, "Where exactly was this fashion show? Who put it on?"

I thought for sure it was at the Junior League - (which might explain the fashions we were talking about).

I almost spit my wine out when she told me.

If you guess you'll get a new plum purse - if I can find one. (The lady at the fashion show said everyone needs one)

Monday, August 29, 2011

I want to strangle her sometimes.

My mother-in-law called today to warn me that Obama is just like Hitler. Yes, apparently they are exactly the same.

Just thought you all should know.

Also she makes a lot of comments about how small our house is. Not in a nice way.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

over the edge

so, i usually don't have much to post. i especially don't usually have much to bitch about. but i have had it and hope that some of you can have a laugh at my expense. i sure hope i can laugh about it all soon, too.

i went up to portland this weekend for a wedding. first off, i forgot my camera and iPhone charger. two strikes. (luckily i borrowed a charger from a friend so i didn't have to buy one). i should have known there was more bad luck in my future...

now, i knew that it might be a bit strange because i went alone and only knew the bride and groom. i vowed to have fun and meet people so i talked to a few people at the welcome lunch and headed back to my hotel. the next day was the wedding. the wedding was up in the mountains, so we needed to take shuttle busses out to smaller shuttle vans up to the wedding site. so, i got on the bus. i said hi to the bride's cousin and sat down. sure enough, the bus filled up slowly- every seat was filled except the seat next to me. the kicker was when the bus guy got on board with some cases of water bottles and piled them up on the seat next to me. my date, the water bottles. funny, but also sad. that's part one.

part two could involve the ride home to the hotel where i again sat alone, but we won't get into that. or the part when everyone was dancing with their partners and i was just kind of standing awkwardly by where there weren't really any other people to talk to at that point. (in the end the wedding was fine and it was beautiful, too.)

but, i'll save part two for the ride home this morning (on a plane that left when i should have still been sleeping). when i got home and off of the plane, i forgot my phone was in my lap and i'm sure i dropped it. i had gone to the bathroom where i realized this dilemma and so i hurried back to my gate. the agent guy ran aboard the plane before they started boarding it again for another flight. he didn't find it. he tried calling because i had left the phone on, but no luck.

when ian picked me up, we tried calling again and this time it went straight to voicemail. conclusion: my phone had been stolen. and someone had turned it off. i think its now on again, but seriously. the killer is that they stole my phone before i could get all of the photos off of it from the wedding- or from my entire summer. back up your phones is the message here...

spent this afternoon cleaning up from my trip, going to a 4-year old birthday party, and then headed off to do another side job i have- second shooter at weddings. i was the assistant photographer tonight until 10pm.

here's the thing that just sent me over the edge. i opened the medicine cabinet at my new house to brush my teeth, and what ran behind my contact water? yes- the biggest cockroach i have ever seen. what did i do? start crying. seriously. i am so tired and have just had the most exhausting day.

then i decided to take action: i went into the kitchen and got some cleaner. i sprayed him just as he was creeping out. he darted behind another bottle. at this point i just stared at the area he was hiding in. what does a person do? so, i woke up my new roommate who got up, put on some shorts, came in, grabbed him by one leg, dropped him in the toiled and flushed him down. not kidding. then he went back to bed and i stood there half crying and half scared that there are more like him lurking in my bedroom.

so that's what sent me over the edge. tomorrow has to be better...back to work tomorrow and officially on tuesday and kids in a week and i already need another vacation!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Seriously Old-Fashioned

We recently inherited a gem of a cookbook from Karl's grandmother. The cookbook was put together by the parish where Karl's family attended when he was little. It features several recipes from his mom. Of course, she doesn't list herself by first name, like all of the other contributors do. No, no, no. That would be way too progressive and feministic.

Here's a closer look:

Many of the recipes in this cookbook feature the following ingredients: Jell-o, canned tuna, instant everything, Bisquick, and Cool Whip. And a LOT of ground beef/chuck. I love it when they call it ground chuck.

Monday, May 16, 2011

My little Catholic

Macie made her first communion last weekend. She and my mom went veil shopping and apparently she fell in love with this one and had to have it. My only question was "Does she think she is princess Diana?" For a girl who refused to wear a veil when I made mine this one seemed to be a little much. It also had a huge poof of tulle on top of the veil but Aunt Annie came to the rescue, cut it off and fixed it because the whole family agreed that it WAS a bit much

She received many nice gifts but I never saw her open them because I was so busy doing other things (like drinking Mimosas and watching my awesome sisters help me out with the brunch). Evidently my grandma had my aunt buy Macie a rosary at the Vatican when my family visited last month. My grandma has called me three times this week to find out if Macie liked it. She wants to know what it looks like and would like me to send pictures. Finally this weekend I fessed up to her and admitted that I have not yet looked at Macie's gifts. They are still sitting on the fireplace hearth along with all of the accompanying wrapping paper and trash (I've been busy). When I said this I heard a very characteristic "Oh...". Somehow my Grandma Peabody is able to infuse those two letters with a great deal of disgust and disappointment- it is pretty amazing really. And then she said "Well I just hope she likes it and will use it" USE IT??? I have never in my life used a rosary. The only experience I have had with them is digging through my grandma's enormous purse to find one of hers for her during mass. But Macie- Oh no, my grandma does not have to worry.

I have walked into her room three times this week before bed to find her on her knees saying the rosary. IN FACT, last night she said "Mom, I am almost done. Can I please finish?" So I laid there waiting to read Harry Potter to her while she meditated on the fifth mystery or whatever the hell you do.

After all of these phone calls and questions I told this to my grandma hoping that it would satisfy her. Her response - "Oh...(again with disgust) I really hope I have not pushed her into being a nun"

Ya, so do I.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Mexican Pointy Boots

My colleague Paul came into my office today and said "Google Mexican Pointy Boots" so I did...and I'm speechless.


Sunday, April 24, 2011


If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize nothing is lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
-Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Bitching About Babies

Karl's brother and his wife had a baby just over 2 months ago. They live 20 minutes away. I have not even gotten to hold the baby yet. Granted, I was gone for two weeks, but still. We are like the least important people ever to them.

Two nights ago I dreamt that I was pregnant. When I woke up I was so sad. We aren't trying to get pregnant or anything, and now would be the worst time for it, but I really want a baby. So that makes the sister-in-law thing even harder, because she has one and won't share. Bitch.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Mother-in-Law is Ridiculous

This time the story is just plain weird.

Her mother (in Illinois) is in her 90's and recently decided to sell her house and move to an assisted living condo. So Barb's sister, who also lives in Illinois, is cleaning out the grandma's house. And by cleaning out, I mean cleaning out. They are throwing everything away, which seems wasteful and lazy and irresponsible all at the same time. Karl's mom went down there over the weekend, and she asked if we wanted anything from the house. I said we would love any Christmas things or antique dishes. Well, all of the Christmas stuff is already at the dump, but she did offer me two large plywood geese (no thank you) and several boxes of blue curtain fabric (we do need new curtains, but also no thank you). But then she mentioned that there was an entire set of red depression glass that no one wanted, and she asked if we would like it. I was so excited that

a. It survived, and

b. I could have it.

So I said yes, I would love it, and she said, okay, great, I'm glad someone can use it, and I'll bring it home for you on Monday.

She called Karl last night while I was at work to tell him that she brought the depression glass home with her, but before she gives it to us she wants to serve a meal on it. She's thinking Christmas dinner. What??? Why? I mean, I don't care, but that is truly bizarre. Okay, go ahead and keep the boxes in your already crowded basement until you force us all to come to your house for some awkward family holiday and go to town serving mayonnaise-broccoli salad and stale dinner rolls on dishes you didn't even want. See if I care.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Formal Announcement

I'd like to make a formal announcement on the Lip Chip Blog that AC and I will be attending a Kenny Chesney concert at Red Rocks together this summer and it is going to be awesome...well maybe

Saturday, April 16, 2011

What is wrong with people these days???

Let me give you the situation: Overall, I am enjoying my flight home Thursday night from LA. I am into my book, I've had a glass of wine, and while I'm secretly annoyed at the woman in the middle seat next to me for invading my personal space (her jacket was over the arm rest, touching my leg), I'm having a decent time. So, imagine my deep disappointment when, on final approach into Seattle, some guy about 10 rows ahead of me unbuckles his seat belt and starts running toward the back of the cabin. This obviously gets the attention of everyone in the cabin, and the Flight Attendant, who has been seated for quite some time due to turbulence (and the fact that we're landing) starts yelling for the passenger to go back to his seat. Instead of going back, he stops at my row (I have an aisle seat) and starts screaming "let me back there or I'm going to pee right here. I mean it, I'm going to pee right here." Okay, really? He is slightly turned toward me, meaning he will likely pee on me. The woman next to me, who I had been secretly annoyed with, grabbed my arm and practically pulled me into her seat, telling me "young lady, you're going to get peed on." Thanks, as if I wasn't aware of the situation (although I did consider this a nice gesture and was therefore no longer annoyed with her). So the Flight Attendant finally lets this guy come back and then she continues to pound on the bathroom door to tell him to hurry up, the pilots are ready to abort landing. I mean, seriously. WTF? He finally gets out and wants to go back to his seat but we are so close to landing that the Flight Attendant makes him take a seat in the back so we can actually land. As we're taxing into the gate, he actually stands up and tries to go back to his seat. Unbelievable! The male Flight Attendant finally put him in a bear hug type hold until we got to the gate (side note: the crew did a great job handling the situation). It's now Saturday (two days after the incident), but my question remains: what the hell is up with the public? Not cool.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Not even kidding

On Saturday, we were blessed with a lunch visit from Karl's parents (Barb and Don). Barb surprised us with two plates of cookies. Here they are... I'll type what the labels say underneath the pictures just in case you can't read them.
NUTS! Low fat,Choc. Chips Dried Cherries, Oatmeal

NO NUTS! Low fat, Choc. Chip, Dried Cherries, Oatmeal

Then she told me this long story about how she made a HUGE batch of cookie dough (which I'm sure was like a cup and a half) and she wanted to make half with nuts and half without. And she started making the no-nut ones first, and by the time she was done with the no-nut ones, she hardly had any dough left to make the with-nut ones! So when she's at home and she eats a no-nut one, she sticks a few nuts in the top. Seriously her stories are so boring.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Karina Bliss

Remember our housemate, Karina Bliss, from the president's house? Well... Okay so it's not her, but can we pretend it is???

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Hip Chips

Did you guys know that: a. Maurice's still exists, and b. They have a program called Hip Chips? Just thought you should know. They probably wanted to call their program Lip Chips, but then they found out about us and had to go with Hip instead.

Monday, April 4, 2011

CD in the mail

Hey Girls, I sent you all my fave current CD! Lip Chip forever! xo

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Speaking of new looks...

Last weekend I decided to cross off one of those "bucket list" items and get a Brazilian, which I'm pretty sure qualifies as a new look. Anyway, I mentioned to a friend that the person who gave me the Brazilian is in my book club and that we went out for beers afterward. She thought it was maybe a little weird, but I thought it was perfectly normal. Why not pick someone you're comfortable with? And, why not reward yourself with beer afterward? I think it was painful enough to warrant a beer or two and a few laughs with a friend post-sugaring. Is this weird?

Anyway, I'm liking my own new look, but really don't care for the new look of our blog. That said, I second Case's comment re: I won't ask when I change it either.


new look?

is this background okay? i kind of wanted to change it up... if not, i'm not offended and i'll change it back!

getting "fixed"

my dog got spayed on friday. and then i wondered, why do people call it "fixed" as if something was wrong with her? it would seem like she was perfect and now is slightly "broken" as all of her little female parts are missing. so sad to see her in pain, and so hard to keep her from being excited and jumping and running...

and another thing: do dogs go into early menopause after being spayed? i mean, i think that if humans have a hysterectomy that they go through some serious hormonal changes, so what about dogs? maybe since she never went into heat it will be less pronounced? or maybe i'm going to have a seriously hormonally messed up puppy for a while. let's hope not...


so... a while back i was at a library conference event with amanda. one of her friends was talking about this girl, let's just call her "judy" for the sake of the story. anyway, this woman said that judy was the kind of girl who was just out of it, clueless, very awkward and kind of inappropriate at times. this is what i gathered from her, anyway. she said that they use this woman as a gauge for others like her, and refer to them as "foj's" or "friends of judy's."

i think that i find myself in contact with people like this way too often, and constantly laugh to myself as i refer to them as "foj's." my boss is constantly reminding me that she is a foj. seriously. anyway, i thought you might all know some folks like this and so now that you know, you can use the term, too.

on another note, this is one of the first weekends i can remember in a while that i am not working or traveling or busy with something. yesterday i was super productive- cleaned out the garage, did laundry, etc. but today i have done basically nothing. it feels kind of strange...

hope you all are pleasantly busy on this sunday!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Forgetful Jones

Karl and I leave for Italy today! I'm so excited.

We got a bon voyage card from his mom. She wrote, "May the Lord grant you protection from forgetfulness, danger, and sickness."

Two things:
1. Forgetfulness? I would never think to ask for protection against forgetfulness. I guess I've always just forgotten to do that...

2. Is it really that hard to be positive? I would like to suggest that next time, the card would read: "May the Lord grant you an alert mind, safety, and health." She is like Debbie Downer to the max, people.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

True Confessions..

I bought a package of peeps the other day from the dollar store.
How's that for upholding my morals and beliefs.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Why? .. Wyoming.

I just want to throw it out there... we aren't all ridiculous, conservative and hypocritical...

So, i was just listening to NPR talk of the nation- issue: Fracking. They were talking to Josh Fox who made the documentary Gasland. Fracking is pumping chemicals underground to access the natural gas. It's horrible and effecting groundwater in Pavillion, WY who no one has ever heard of, but is about 30 miles from Lander. The Governor we elected in November doesn't believe that fracking has anything to do w/ the groundwater pollution in Pavillion, even though the same chemicals have been found in the ground water. Residents in Pavillion are able to light their water coming out of their faucets on fire. Awesome.
So, on Talk of the Nation some guy calls in from Casper, WY. I thought, oh, that's cool. Then he starts commenting how he worked for Haliburton (another superly awesome something) and blah blah blah fracking has nothing to do w/ groundwater contaminates bc of the difference in depth. GOD DAMNIT!
Not to mention WY just passed legislation changing our f*cking constitution opposing 'obamacare' and not recognizing single sex marriages from other states. Are we really that hypocrytical? well, I'm writing to all 6 of you reading this- not everyone here is a complete junkshow. Some of us are fighting....
(head hung in shame..)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm not trying to be paranoid

But today I posted something about Scott Walker on facebook. Right away, two people liked it. But then I went back like an hour later and the likes were gone. What is up, facebook?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Anything with a crow on the cover is alright by me

It has been awhile since I have listened to a new album as much as this one. (Taylor Swift's was totally not my fault) It is REALLY good. For some reason it reminds me of Lyle Lovett's "Road to Ensenada" - I think it is because I have been listening to it as much as I listened to that one 15 years ago. I don't often do that - actually I don't often get into new music. Usually I am 5 years late to the game. I mean I still listen to mixed tapes from college and STILL sing the wrong words - "a pocket full of pose" for instance.

This album plus tickets to see Ryan Bingham this weekend means I am musically happy even as I am surrounded by the ever present noise of Taylor Swift and Irish Jigs.

P.S. - He really could have done without the annoying Mariachi trumpet that shows up randomly. i think it would have been near perfect if he had.

Friday, February 18, 2011

I don't need this shit

My washing machine broke this week. It is a year old.
I got "flashed" by a speed camera in a construction zone yesterday.
Double fines I am sure
A rock hit my wind sheild last night and it cracked

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Meatza Pizza

You know how Karl's brother and his wife had their baby two weeks ago? Well, apparently Karl's mom brought them a meal last week. She called it a Meatza. It was a pie tin filled with ground beef (no crust), then a layer of ketchup, then a layer of cheese. She brought two of them, but she forgot the ketchup on one. Classic.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

How many seconds?

8 obviously.
So, I'm on my 4th sick day at home. Are you kidding me? no, no one is kidding here.
Yesterday my big outing was to the library (literally right across the st) to pick up a movie hold. The journey nearly kicked my ass.
Today, I made it to the post office and on the way home decided to return said movie and see if there was anything on the shelf worth watching.
First thing to catch my eye in 2.2 seconds... "8 Seconds"!
Move over Joey Cargill, this cowgirl is going to re-learn the dance.
One, Two, Three, Four...

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Just because some memories need to be remembered -

From: "Jen Jacobsen"
Subject: budda
Date: Wed, 30 Aug 2000 15:59:36 MDT

who would have thought that when i innocently woke up this morning at 10:37am that my day would turn so intense?
i need a shot of tequilla right now. lime AND salt.
so i'm sewing away, no big deal. normal morning on jones for me.
i smell something. out of the vent in my floor.
in soon discovery spedict, premo and i are searching the stinky basement for dead. we think it's in our warm friend downstairs (which case turned on last night and she got sick off the smell) then premo says to look in one of the drawers in our dark room.
and HOLY HELL! we find budda, the neighbors missing cat. dead.
oh, boys-----you left for work and think the story is over. but no.
i'm home waiting for the exterminator to come take the cat.
no, he won't take the drawer also, he says there's no room in his truck so the maggoty drawer still sits in our driveway. he says the maggots will be dead by tomorrow. and as he's about to leave, the car pulls up. the neighbor (peggy, i found out her name) come out, sees the animal control truck. asks if they've found her cat and with a simple nod of my head, she starts bawling and next think i know my shoulder is her kleenex. (i've never met the lady before)
in the confusion of mr exterminator warning her about her cat's condition and her insisting that she wants it to bury, the phone rings and it's kevin cashman. i'm talking to this kid and finally he's like, so how have you been? he wasn't expecting my reply. oh and cashman had just called BEFORE the exterminator got there, so i had two intense cashman calls, dealing with rotting budda cats, crying ladies and i just wanted to take a shower. then a random guy tries to deliver this 7 ft long tube package for some random who doesn't live here anymore, but still uses 7033 jones ave for his mailing address. it was simply too much.
so i get off the phone cause peggy said she wanted to talk to me and i thought she was mad at me for sending her cat to animal control. so i brace myself for that. she wasn't mad at all, but in talking to her, she let's me in on her "funny story" i think she almost told case the other day.
......our house is haunted. or maybe vexed is a better word.
anyway, that is why the lady before us moved out. there is also a dead cat buried in our yard.
so that is my story.
i have to go to work so this is a message to my roommates as much as anyone, but tell me this.
what is worse. maggoty cats or maggoty rats.
both i can deal without.
peace and pleasant smells.

i want to know

warning: i am feeling a bit down at this moment, so this post probably isn't going to be the most cheery post...

i want to know how to be happy with another person. not all of the time, but relatively most of the time. i want to know if its possible for things to be easier than they are, and if its worth trying to find it. i want to know if i am so impossible that i will never be happy in a relationship. do i create my own unhappiness? am i just too difficult? maybe i just don't know how to get to that place. seriously, i want to know.

the truth is that i can only change so much to be a better person and to be easier to live with and less critical and more laid-back, but sometimes my difficult self is going to come out and someone just has to love me anyway. right? at least i hope that someone can.

guess you all are glad you aren't dating me :)

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Center of Attention

So tomorrow is my birthday (seriously), and I am kind of dreading it. Karl is working two shifts so I won't see him at all, which is okay except it means that if I do something social I have to go by myself and hope friends show up. And then what if no one else comes? I'm already having extreme anxiety. God. I should have lied and said my birthday was in April. I was smart in college. I only like other people's birthdays.

Remember that super sweet birthday party you guys threw for me at Keller's house? Jen, you had those witch fingers on, and you guys gave me that yellow bear which I still have BTW. That was the best birthday.

Speaking of college, I'm organizing all of my photos (huge job... taking way longer than I anticipated). I have so many from college. It's kind of out of control. And many of them are super dark, or just of the backs of people's heads, or blurry. Why do I still have them?! Don't worry, you will all be getting some in the mail eventually. Case, how many do you want of Meagan?


Monday, January 31, 2011

Weekend Update

Well the First Confession went well. I did not confess. I had a few minutes of Catholic guilt as I saw a ton of parents lining up after the kids. But Macie was second in line and after I saw my adorable little girl come out with a smile on her face, kneel and say her penance (one Our Father - she got off easy for all of those sins) my urge to get the hell out of there was much stronger than my need to confess. We were the first ones to leave.

We bought Keller a new ski coat on Saturday (success).It was only $50. And then we skied yesterday while Macie was in ski school. It was fun to hang out but S-L-O-W going. The thing with Keller is that she likes to be in control (think the car radio, the newspaper or the TV remote). In skiing this quality is not a bad thing. She did really well and only fell five times (she says two times but I helped her up at least three) After a few runs on the bunny hill we moved to a regular green run. My goal was to get her to the top of the mountain so we could have lunch up there. She was doing fantastic until a snow cat came up the hill. It freaked her out. Even though I was behind her I could tell that she was thinking that her choices were to turn toward it and get run over (it had to be 50 yds away) or to turn towards the trees. She chose the trees. After the stress of a near death experience she decided to remain in control the rest of the day so she could prefect her skill. I think she did it! So next year it will up to the top at lunch (the horrible music blaring from the bar's speakers at the base of the mountain and the dog begging us for food was enough to ruin our lunch and I think convince her that the ambiance on top of the mountain might be better). We skied a run with Macie at the end of the day so they could show off for each other. I think they both looked pretty good!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sick dude.

Karl's uncle is here from Washington state, and today he came over for breakfast today and seriously he belched the entire time. Not like one long three-hour belch, but a series of small, medium, and large belches.

It was completely vile.

Book by the Bennie

Here's a link to that book on Amazon. The author is Katie Dugan... wasn' t she a real goodie-goodie? I better get out my dog book so I can look her up.

Friday, January 28, 2011

As the week draws to a close...

I'd just like to reflect on the highlights. Those include:
  • Overhearing two coworkers talking about me
  • Forgetting my boots one day and having numb feet during my walk from the bus to the house
  • Wearing the same holey shirt two days in a row
  • Dinner with the in-laws
  • Missing the bus

Okay seriously there were some good things. Such as:

  • Pottery class
  • Knitting potluck with crackling fire and crock-pot brownies
  • An unexpected Starbucks visit due to missing the bus (I had to wait somewhere for the next bus!)
  • Using an awesome Groupon to get some fancy Pancetta for a pressure cooker recipe I'm hoping to try this weekend
  • Go-Go dancing
  • Having 20 'tweens show up for after-school knitting at the library
  • Making an appointment to have our taxes done for the first time ever (I've always done them on paper... I'm dreading what the guy is going to say when he sees the copy of last year's taxes)

Look at that... more goods than bads. I'll take it.

I hope you all had more goods than bads this week too! xo

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I have nothing to confess.

My kid does.


She has her first confession tomorrow at 10 am. (they call it reconciliation now).

I have no idea what she will say. I remember making shit up for mine.We have been thinking long and hard but still don't have much. I mean she can't even say I fight with my sisters - I am sure I threw that in. I wish I could record it.

We went to a practice session on Wednesday night where they informed us that after the children confess, parents and sibling will then go in...


I know I am being highly hypocritical but I did not sign up for this. This train has been driven entirely by Macie. She is the one that wanted to make her First Communion and I am the one that has given her an out EVERY single week. And now they are telling me that I have to confess too? The four weekend workshops were more than enough.

This is what my confession session would look like-

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 27 YEARS since my FIRST and LAST confession. I confess that I am having a VERY hard time with all of this. I strongly believe in Gay marriage, I believe in a women's right to have an abortion and I do not equate it with the Holocaust. I believe women should be priests and I believe that YOU should be able to have sex.

At which point I would have to pull out a piece of paper and read the Act of Contrition from it because unlike Macie, I do not know it by heart.

Keller is flying in in the morning. Maybe I could pick her up and then drive her over so we could confess together - Strength in numbers.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Barb Update

So... Karl's mom (Barb) called the other day because we had plans to go out for dinner tomorrow to celebrate my birthday, and she wanted to know where I'd like to go. I gave her three options. Two Thai, one American. I figured she'd pick the American place, but no. She chose an Italian restaurant I hadn't even mentioned. So annoying.

Here's the kicker, though: Karl's uncle, Ken, is here for the week from Washington state. After this, he's flying straight to Italy to supervise a study-abroad trip for spring semester. His only request for our dinner out tomorrow was that it not be Italian, since he'll be eating Italian for four months.

What is wrong with her???

Rodeo acts

I went to the rodeo last week with my mom and Macie. After years of taking Macie she seems to feel totally neglected if I even consider skipping a year. Tradition is VERY important to her. I mean I love the rodeo but it's the same shit different year.

The sheer amount of patriotism and GOP-ness that they are able to weave into the production is pretty astounding and quite amazing. I feel that my love of country is as strong as the next guys but there is something about the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo. They seems to think it is their duty to pound it in to you. In fact, I would not be surprised if next year you were criticized for not wearing an American Flag pin on your lapel (or the pocket flap of your Western shirt - whatever the case maybe).

Everything is constant at the rodeo- the announcer is the same, the rodeo clown is the same, the cowboys are the same, the side shows between events are the same. Nothing changes - Except one BIG show. Last year it was a monkey in chaps riding on a dog and herding sheep - freaking amazing. Another year it was The One Armed Bandit - a guy with one arm who stood on top of his horse and managed to get 4 long horn cattle to climb on top of a horse trailer by whipping his whip in the air VERY loudly.

again - A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

This year the cheesy ass announcer gets on the microphone and says "Ladies and Gentleman, if you see one thing at this rodeo that you will talk about for days it will be THIS next act"

So these two guys lug this big box out into the arena, drop it and leave (already I am thinking that this act is low tech. I mean in past rodeos if there was an opportunity to use a Ford F150 they would take it... and then proceed to tell us all about the HEMI engine and the fact that the seats of the truck were hand stitched leather).

The lights go down, the spotlight shines on the box, dry ice covers everything and nothing happens. After a few minutes a dog comes out and stands on the box. A few more minutes go by and a cowboy comes sauntering out on a horse. (I was imagining him back there taking a few last swigs of Jim Beam). He starts fiddling with his microphone which he can't seem to turn on correctly and then he starts telling everyone how many movies he and his horse have been in. (who cares). Then he tells us that his horse is his companion and his dog is his best friend. At which point the dog takes a running leap and jumps up onto the saddle. He cracks a few jokes does a few more minor tricks and I am thinking this is the weirdest damn thing. Finally the announcer comes on and asks the audience which we think is faster his dog or his horse. They start racing around the arena. They take two or three laps and the dog is all over the place, on the inside, on the outside, cutting across half of it. And then.... the horse runs over the dog.

There was a collective gasp.

I mean not the horse does not JUST run over it - the damn dog was stuck underneath it just getting pummeled by 4 horse hoofs and a 2000 lb horse. Finally he managed to get out from underneath. He rolled onto the ground totally stunned - not sure if he was up or down. The cowboy had no idea what to do so he started whistling at his dog, telling him to get up. The dog finally got up, kind of walked around and then started to try and race the horse again. The three of them slowly raced back to the chutes with the cowboy whistling to the dog and out they went. Lights came on and the bull riding started.

Yep, the announcer was right. I am still talking about that act

(and wondering how the damn dog is doing)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Is it wrong....

that I'm using my Obamarator as a stand in for the missing King in my Nativity set that I got for Christmas? He's about the same size as the other two Kings, and since the nativity set characters look super phallic, it seems to fit. That said, it just seems a little weird and/or sacrilegious.

Friday, January 21, 2011


Last night, Karl worked overnight. He left around 9:30, and I went to bed. I didn't realize he had left his phone on the nightstand. Around 10:30, it started ringing and woke me up. I answered it. It was his mom.

"Is there some type of emergency?" I asked, knowing full well that there wasn't. She just likes being annoying.

"No," she answered, "I was just calling because I thought Karl might be driving to work and I wanted to help keep him awake."


Tuesday, January 18, 2011


This is the hat my sister-in-law asked me to make:

Unfortunately, it is crocheted, and I don't know how to crochet. Also, it was for sale online for $16 which was a little insulting. So I made this one instead:

I was also going to make matching sweaters for their son and the new baby, but that's out the window. And I do not feel bad about it.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Let's get it together, people.

So Karl is applying for this nursing program that is one year long. In one year, he would get his RN and his Bachelor's in nursing... perfect. If he doesn't get in, he has to go through the technical college and then take a bunch of online courses, which will take at least six years to get to the RN. I really really want him to finish so he can stop going to school and start making money. And babies.

So the application is due on Friday. I called him on Tuesday from San Diego, where I was for a conference. He said, "Well, I'm going to email a couple of professors today to see if I can get some letters of recommendation." Um, the application is due on Friday. What is wrong with this picture? I can only nag so much, people. Fortunately, I knew (because I am extra nosy) that the application only asks for reference contact information, not letters of recommendation... otherwise I would have flipped.

Seriously. It's like he wants to stay in school forever.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Re Gift

Here is a tip. Every Christmas I get an empty box and I fill it will all of the gifts that I do not want and know Macie will never use. (sometimes I do not even ask her - Ijust sneek them in there). Then I put it away and add to it at her birthday. The next Christmas I have a big box of new stuff to donate to Toys for Tots. I even donate stuff like Bath and Body Works junk . I figure some teeenager somewhere might like it.

Blogger Tips

Hi Lip Chippers,
Here are a few tips for new bloggers. It can be a little tricky, but you'll get the hang of it in no time!

1. Sign in. From the blog, click on "Sign In" in the upper right-hand corner. You can't do anything but read and leave comments unless you are signed in.

2. From there, click on "New Post" in the upper right hand corner, even if you don't actually want to write a new post. This will take you to a screen where you can write new posts, edit existing posts, manage comments, change the design, etc. Keller, this is where your deleted post is hiding.

3. I didn't realize I was the only administrator, so I made everyone one. That means you'll be notified anytime someone leaves a comment. You won't be notified every time someone posts, though. You've got to either visit the blog or use a blog reader for that. I use Google reader to follow a bunch of blogs, and I really like it. You just have to click on one thing and you can see all of the updates to all of the blogs you read.

4. I love you.

xo ac


One strategy I've been using lately in certain situations is to keep in mind that many of the people I'm interacting with are mentally ill. Whether it's true or not, it helps me be more patient and take them less seriously.

Keller, your original post still exists. Blogger saves posts as you write them. If you click on "Edit posts," you'll see it listed as a draft. You can finish it and post it! I LOVE the descriptions of the gifts. What's up with the Caress soap box??? Definite mental illness right there.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My life sucks right now

I just wrote this long ass description of the ultra-shitty Giftmas gifts I received, but then I accidentally hit the red button so I lost my entire post. This is now the story of my life. I am no longer even able to bitch about the injustices, which is the ultimate injustice, the ultimate shittiness. If someone could give me a good reason why I should have any faith in people in anymore, I'd like to hear it.

I'm here...

I'm here...just slightly depressed and so have not been posting much (or at all, as it turns out). Typical for this time of year for me, I've been bombarded with holiday shit I don't want, have spent too much money, and have nothing but crap to show for it in return. While I took up the hobby actually shredding some various holiday cards this year (not any of yours, don't worry), it brought only temporary joy. Why so grim, you ask? Well, lets just say I spent close to $500 on Giftmas for others and here is what I got in a return:

1. A phallic-looking nativity set that is missing one of the three kings (when I asked where the third was, it was met with surprise that I would notice such a detail...turns out the 2 king set was cheaper). By the way, how do I post pictures to this thing? Everyone should see a king.

2. Black and White checkered fleece pants.

3. Dish rags.

4. Perhaps my favorite, wrapped in a Caress soap box: a mini pack of peanuts, a partially used tube of toothpaste and a one dollar Sacajawea coin.

So, can you understand now why I had a momentary spurt of "my life sucks" time? The good news is that today was much sweeter, and I'm actually in a good mood with a positive outlook on life. Yes, for the most part, I am loving life right now. Cheers, my friends, cheers.

You guys.

The Jim Henson traveling exhibit is in Chicago, and I get to go! Yay!

Also, what is up with GW2011? If Greece isn't a go, let's plan a weekend somewhere. I'm going to Greece for a week in March, if anyone wants to come along!

Does Keller even know that this blog exists?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


so last night i had this dream. i was with all of you somewhere and we were leaving where ever we were and i noticed lindsay had left her sweatshirt, purse and another bag and something else behind. so i grabbed it. we got somewhere and i was like, linds- you left all your shit back there, but i grabbed it and then i set it down. she was all into taking pictures (was this a dream or real life?) so just left her shit piled where i dropped it and these 2 punks ran up and stole her purse. she still doesn't notice, so i got pissed and chase them down. full on, tackle them and demand the purse back. of course the purse is this huge open bag w/ tons of shit in it. i notice her wallet is gone. i full on get these guys and demand the wallet. i'm like, you can keep the money, just give the god damn wallet back. they gave it back and got to keep like $15 bucks that was in it. i'm walking back w/ the wallet and notice practically an album of dog pictures in it (again- real life? or dream?) and think- well, the don't want this, thank god i got this back for her. get back to the crew and linds is still wrapped up in the picture taking and doesn't really notice.
just sayin' linds- i saved your ass (or at least your wallet) last nite.
night love you see you .. in dreamland.